HEEEEEEEE'S BAAAAAAAAAAACK

http://espn.go.com/golf/notebook/_/page/birdiesandbogeys120306/tiger-woods-honda-classic-62-hardly-burden-pressure
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Dear Mr. SportsT4nk,

Did you send me this link because of this quote?

“He's the best player I've ever seen tee to green, period. I didn't have a chance to play with Tiger [in the] early to mid-2000s when Tiger was the man, but Rory McIlroy is the best … he's the best player I've ever seen. Like I say, as soon as he learned how to putt, he was going to be a dominating force, and you're starting to see that now. "

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You RE-TARD!!  That wasn’t the article I sent you…it was about Tiger's "62" and how he did it with tons of pressure on him and he is on his way to prominence…AGAIN!!

I don’t know where you got that ridiculousness…but, NOW I am angry

Signed,
SportsT4nk
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Dear Mr. SportsT4nk,

Try scrolling down on the article you sent me…

Besides, I loved the top part of the article…ANYONE that’s starts the final round 8 back has the weight of world on his shoulders to win….lol
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Dear Mr. Get-A-Clue,

You are quite possibly the most unsmart man I ever met.  READ THE ARTICLE.  You just don’t understand sports…

Go back to listening to music sung by delusional, incredibly overzelous, washed up, horrible garage bands that will never go anywhere in life.

Signed,
WaySmarterthanYOU
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Dear Mr. SportsT4nk,

“The only pressure we have, the only pressure that matters; is that which we put on ourselves.  Living up to our own expectations of ourselves should serve as the ultimate barometer of our success and happiness” – By; ME (I literally just made that up).

I think it’s hilarious how you “don’t read sports articles and form your own opinions based on your eye tests, blah, blah, blah” – yet you send me the article from someone ELSE writing that Tiger is back, blah, blah, blah” – Funny how that works, it’s amazing how you can just turn on and off your hypocrisy when it comes to “your” sports opinions. 

Like Sunday, you simply said Tiger “was back”, yet referenced the course they were playing and that the 3 hardest holes in golf still remained that day, thus implying Tiger could/might win…but then he didn’t..and the shut off valve came about…open valve, close valve…that’s you…

I’ll GLADLY listen to my garage band music, because I ENJOY it…it doesn’t matter whether or not they fill giant stadiums or arenas, it only matters that they make music they enjoy…(see first quote above) – and I happen to enjoy it too…all that matters…

Signed,
BigFanofColdplay

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Dear Mr. You're Pissing Me Off,

Alright.  Good work.  Other than a teeney-boppin Justin Beiber lovin little girls, there is not one person on the entire planet who makes me as angry as you do.  I would reckon the big difference between you and the aforementioned is that she does it more frequently; not to mention, she has FAR better taste in music than you do…

Secondly, thank you for walking right into my trap!!!! 

SportsT4nk-1 You-0

Here is my train of thought:  I read an article that actually “echoed” my thoughts.  As per your email below, you actually stated that I ALREADY made the proclamation that Tiger is “Back.”  I sent you this article WITHOUT any subject line, without any explanation, without any real justifacation…just a link to an article.  That’s it.

I am trying to show you that you can’t just send links to articles without some kind of “caption.”  You just can’t do it; although, as we both know, you have tried to do it in the past.

If I were to send the article AS I NORMALLY WOULD – with a caption! – I would have noted that this article is written by a sportswriter who echoes my sentiments.  You seem to hang your proverbial hat on what sportswriters say and NOT SO MUCH what I say.  This guy said TIGER IS BACK AFTER I already made that proclamation by applying my faithful and fool-proof EYE TEST.  Further, if you recall, I sent you a text after ROUND 3 stating that Tiger is BACK only to have him come out in the final round and shoot a career best 62.  Now, if that doesn’t prove how brilliant and utterly fool proof my “EYE TEST” is; then I don’t know what else I can do.

In conclusion, it’s not about me being “hypocritical.” It’s simply a matter of me trying to appeal to YOUR senses by finding an article written by a sportswriter since you put so much faith in them when formulating your opinion instead of doing what I do and that is give them the trusty  ‘ol “eye test.”

I’m just trying to show you that EVEN THOUGH you absolutely REFUSE to give me any credit, EVER; it seems as though I DO know what I am talking about.  You just won’t admit it. 

Lastly, about a week ago you were kind enough to suggest some bands to check out on YouTube in an effort to clear thy head – that was quite nice of you. 

Now, this is an absolute TRUE story:  The very first band I looked at on my phone started playing, the wife was in the kitchen and yelled from the next room, “What the heck is that??!!…SHUT IT OFF,” at which point, I laughed hysterically and shut it off because I felt the same exact way.

That is all.

Ta ta for now!!

FIN
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OMG, SportsT4nk…you’re SO right!!!!!!!

Tiger shot a "62" on Sunday and you were the ONLY TIGER FAN ON EARTH to say he’s back!!!!!  And THEN “echoed” by a sports writer?  OMG, sorry buddy, you rock!!!!

GREAT analysis and FIND on saying he’s back after the "62."  Thank the good lord that you told me on Sunday that he was back or else NO ONE would have…you receive FULL Credit…CONGRATS!

Just try not to trip over your Cape with the big “O” on it for Obvious, Captain.

HEY!!!! The other night I was watching the NBA…Kevin Durant is AMAZING….please wait until tomorrow when I forward you an article “echoing” that…STAY TUNED!!!!

As far as the bands…I like them, you don’t have to, my guess is you listened to one and then stopped…it’s the same thing with the Lady GaGa…I will never understand why a grown man would EVER listen to that garbage, but you do…

Ta-Ta
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Dear Mr. Clearly Music is Not Your Forte-Either,

Are you REALLY this stupid???!?!!?!!?!?!?!!?!? 

Check Twitter.  20 million followers for Miss Gaga.  You dont have 20 million people following your fine sweet ass on Twitter UNLESS your beats are GOOOOOD!  PERIOD. 

Try looking in the mirror once in a while.  Maybe if THAT many people like her; PERHAPS, its YOU thats is the DamnedFOOL.

Now, as far as Our BELOVEDTIGER; I said SATURDAY that Tiger is back!!!  You cant deny my proof!

I proclaimed on SATURDAY – the day BEFORE – he shot his CAREER RECORD "62" that he is on his way….stop saying I told you AFTER it happened!!! Stop it!!  I told you BEFORE it happened by applying my FAIL PROOF EYE TEST.  I did it!!!  I did!!  Its true!!

You can make things up all you want in an effort to deny me any credit and slap me with your favorite label of Capt. “O”…go ahead. Deep down inside you know the REAL truth.  I know it.  You know I know it.  I know YOU know it….NOW, it is time that the world know it.

This email chain is going viral!!!!

FIN
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Viral:

“Former greatest on golfer on earth comes back to play good golf” – Credit: SportsT4nk

World responds: “WOW, NO ONE saw that coming”

P.S. – after this chain, you better PRAY he wins once this year…because EVERY week he doesn’t win…I’m on you like white on rice, on a paper plate in a bowl of milk in a snow storm….
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Dear Mr. I Cant Believe You're Still Talking,

Viral: “Former greatest golfer on earth comes back to play good golf” – Credit:SportsT4nk

World responds: “WOW, NO ONE saw that coming”

“NO ONE saw that coming”?  Are you kidding?  The WORLD has put him in a hand-basket on the road to being obsolete, archaic, superseded, and out-dated. 

This just in, Brainiac: The majority of the world seems to think that his career is "over."  The majority of the world seems to think that he "won’t win another major. " The majority of the world seems to think that he has "passed the torch" on to the “young, up-and-coming generation” of Rory McIlroys, Luke Donald's, Dustin Johnson, Hunter Mahan's, Rickey Fowler, and Anthony Kim's of the golf world.

People only talk about how he DIDN’T win AGAIN.  People talk about how he "may never win another major" and how the “new generation” of PGA professionals aren’t intimidated by Tiger Woods the way the rest of the Tour was from 1997-2009.

So, NO!!  I am not with the “rest of the world” on this.  I never gave up on him and I never will.  I stand alone.

And, YES, I am fully aware how you will sit anxiously waiting for him to not win another tourney with your hand eagerly resting on your phone only to call me and remind me that he didn’t win AGAIN.  I know you will.  The funny thing is: WHERE YOU GONNA BE WHEN HE DOES WIN AGAIN?  Where? EH?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Keep your phone close by because WHEN he does win…guess who will be the first to make the announcement to you? 

Don’t worry, pal.  I will be on you like white on rice on a paper plate in a bowl of milk in a Canadian snowstorm WRAPPED IN A SHEET…

FIN
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Round and round we go…

So the former greatest golfer on earth is going to win another tourney in his life?  And then you’re going to tell me that he won?  Nice Cape, BUDDY!!!!  Maybe we should put the ole "FR" on the Cape for front runner.  How much golf did you watch LAST year?

Not much…”If Tiger isn’t good, then I’m going to be a baby and not watch golf, wah….so there, PGA”

So you don’t actually LIKE golf…which just makes you a front runner…ironically like “favorite teams, players, etc..” …. With the exception of the Cowboys…

Hey, in the 90’s..MJ retired and then played baseball and then came back to basketball, and I was like, “He’s still awesome at Basketball, and the world was like, NO”, but he was actually still great at basketball, and that year I ruled…

Plus – I DO enjoy the one round of "62" as the end-all-be-all evidence that he is back…small sampling.

Two guys on the Indians went 4 for 4 last night in a spring training game – World Series BABY!!!!!!!

Should I send my resume to your personal email acct., or do you have a “campaign email” account you’d like it sent to?

MonRoeInTheKnow@MonroeforPrezi.com  possibly?
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Dearest Mr. Ive had Just about Enough,

I am actually busy now, and I don’t have time to get "baited" into your arguments anymore.

However, I will simply state this:  when Tiger plays golf; I WATCH.  If he doesn’t play golf; I don’t watch.  I don’t like anyone else enough to watch.  It doesn’t matter how good or bad he plays; I watch.

When the Cowboys play; I watch.  It doesn’t matter if they win or lose…I watch.  Tiger and the Cowboys are my two favorite sports entities.  When they are on TV; I watch. Win or Lose; I watch.

I play golf myself; therefore, I actually DO like the sport of golf.  The difference is, if “my Tiger” isn’t playing I don’t watch because I am not a huge "fan" of anyone else.  There are guys I "like," but I don’t "like" them enough to spend my day watching them.

Lastly, 5 top 10 finishes in his last 6 starts; PLUS, his last round was a CAREER RECORD "62" on a day when conditions were POOR and the course average on that day was 72.  Since you’re a complete and utter idiot; let me break that down for you – that’s 10 STROKES BETTER THAN THE ENTIRE REST OF THE FIELD.  TEN STROKES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

…NOT A SMALL SAMPLING AT ALL, Brain!

FIN
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Dear Mr. SportsT4nk,

So a gold tourney is one round now?  Hmmm…I seem to remember someone telling me a different story a while back when Tiger was going to miss the cut of a major after day 1…”a golf tourney is a marathon.”

Funny how you just change all your mantras to suit whatever delusions of grandeur you have on a particular day…
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Dear Mr I think I Hear Your Mom Calling You,

I’m simply letting you know that he is on his way back.  I don’t think one round makes a tourney. 

The person we are talking about holds the PGA Tour record for being ranked #1 in the world for 281 weeks.  He was PGA Tour player of the year a record nine times.  He holds the record for being #1 on the money list 9 straight times.

Since his “transgressions,” he has lost the money list title, he has fallen FAR from the world #1 ranking, and he hasn’t won an official PGA Tour event since 2009.

I am simply trying to let you know that I see glimmers of the "Old Tiger."  The very same man that has won 14 majors - second only to the Golden Bear - hasnt won in 3 years;  all while badly tarninishing his image, losing his wife, losing sponsorships from MAJOR corporations, losing his $40 milllion home from divorce, losing his dignity and his ability to putt.

It’s exciting to see him working back to his old form and I am not bending/twisting/changing my stories/philosophies to fit my arguments.  I am not wavering from anything I have said in the past; I'm just simply letting you know that we are closer than ever to seeing the man we once knew.  The man who won 14 majors.  The man who held the world #1 ranking for a record 281 weeks.  The man who was PGATour POY a record 9 times.

That is all.  Please don’t misconstrue, misquote, nor misunderstand me. 

I can’t possibly be any clearer!

FIN
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Is that how far away Tiger is from being all the way “back”

Oh wait, he’s back, you said that on Saturday

Oh wait, he’s on his way back, you said that today…

I’m so confused now…honestly, it’s just exhausting deliberately aggravating you ALL day…I hope he just wins one so this can all be over…

Monroe for PRESIDENT!!!!!!!!!!!

The man who won 14 majors.  The man who held the world #1 ranking for a record 281 weeks.  The man who was PGATour POY a record 9 times. – So you’re saying he’s still good? ROTFL!!!!

I’m simply letting you know that he is on his way back – Nice, 12 emails ago HE WAS BACK….now he’s "on his way."  You’re in the wrong career, buddy – I should be watching to see how many electoral votes you were getting last night with the way you bob and weave, backtrack, & go forward…

Politics, buddy – that’s your calling…LMAO!!!!!

Love,
Your Future Campaign Mgr.
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Dear Mr. Im DONE.

GOOD BYE

......and FIN
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That’s truly disappointing, Mr. SportsT4nk…

I was going to try and interview to be your campaign manager….

IwannabepresidentandsodoI@MonroeforPrezi.com.org/TigerRules